Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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