if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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