i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
