if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
