im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
