Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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