1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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