Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
