I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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