when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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