new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
