did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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