idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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