No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize