Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are we still banned from the library?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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