My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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