I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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