I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My life is pants optional.
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