And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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