A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
