Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
