Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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