I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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