So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Panties = found
Randomize
