you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
