the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
