Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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