Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
