I just threw up on my dentist
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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