Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
