And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
