Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
