So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found puke in my bra..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
