you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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