By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My dick has a subreddit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
