I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
