did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
