porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
