hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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