Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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