Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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