beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
false alarm, still single
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
