dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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