Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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