I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
