Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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