I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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