I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
