is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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