He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
