she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
