A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
