I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
