his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
