Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
