You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
