im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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