you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
