I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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