Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
