the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
