all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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