i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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