WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Send help, water and tortillas.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
