Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I need to stop coming to work sober
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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