He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
