some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
