Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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